


One More Step

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Canon Het Relationship, Community: mcsheplets, M/M, Post-Series, Romance, Trope Bingo Round 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 16:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John feared the day when he would watch Rodney make a promise of forever to another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One More Step

**Author's Note:**

> Written for:  
>  **romancingmcshep** 2014  
>  using prompts from: **mcsheplets** 161: urge and **trope_bingo** : marriage

It had started as a tickle at the back of his mind, slowly growing in intensity over the years until it had become an all-consuming desire that made his fingers twitch and his lips press tight together every time he saw Rodney. He feared the day when he would no longer be able to control that urge, reaching out to take what he wanted so desperately. Of course Rodney was completely oblivious to this, and John sighed heavily whenever he had to pretend that he didn't have the urge to shove Rodney up against a wall and kiss the man as if their lives depended upon it.

In the early days he'd found plenty of excuses to fall back on for why he couldn't reach out and take what he wanted, trapped by the rules and regulations of his chosen career and by the attitudes of others. Instead he'd stood by and watched as Rodney went through a string of hopeless crushes and doomed relationships, each time afraid of seeing Rodney put a ring on someone else's finger. Occasionally he had nightmares of Rodney asking him to be the Best Man at his wedding, to have to smile graciously as the man he loved and wanted made life-long vows to another.

Those rules and regulations no longer applied to them. Some had been changed by Henry Hayes' government, and others by circumstances. John had stepped back from off-world missions, breaking up the team that had consisted of him, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon. As he and Rodney held equal authority within Atlantis, the Fraternization rules no longer applied.

It had made it harder to resist the urge to go to Rodney and tell him how he felt about him. Only one last obstacle stood in his way, and that was a stronger desire to see Rodney happy, even if that meant losing him to Jennifer Keller. 

From his table on the other side of the mess hall on Atlantis, John licked his lips and tried not watch the latest train-wreck in progress as that last obstacle started to crumble before his eyes. Although he couldn't hear the exchange, the sharp gestures and the tight looks on both Rodney's and Jennifer's faces spoke volumes. It seemed that, once again, Atlantis had stepped between Rodney and his making a commitment to marry. The first time had been years earlier with Katie Brown, and a quarantine lock down that had unleashed the real McKay to Katie's dismay.

Like Jennifer, Katie had wanted to only see the best in Rodney but at least Katie hadn't tried to change him, though it seemed both refused to accept the less savory parts of Rodney's personality. For better and for worse. John guessed that was the difference between him and all those others vying for Rodney's attention. He had no illusions regarding Rodney. He'd seen him at his worst - rude, petty, arrogant - but he'd also seen him at his best - brilliant, courageous, and noble. He might not like certain aspects but he accepted it all because he knew it was the better and the worse that made Rodney the person he loved.

Loved.

It had taken a while to realize that it was love rather than lust. Lust would have been far easier to deal with, quenched by a clandestine fuck while on Earth, and never to be spoken of again. Love was a whole new ball game.

Jennifer shoved up from her seat, the sound of it scraping back drawing even more attention to the arguing couple, and John sighed as he watched her storm off in anger. If it was the first public argument then most would put it down to a lover's quarrel, but this seemed to be a running battle between Rodney and Jennifer ever since the 'incident'.

Rodney glanced around the mess hall, looking hurt and angry and dismayed, and his eyes caught John's, startling for a moment before those broad shoulders shrugged heavily. Rodney picked up his tray and came over, sliding into the seat opposite.

"Guess you saw... that," he waved a hand eloquently.

"Kind of hard to miss," John replied truthfully.

"We've... I've decided we should... break up."

"I'm... sorry, Rodney." 

He meant it sincerely even though it was the best news he'd heard in months, and for that he still felt a spike of guilt. He wanted Rodney to be happy, hence the sincerity at news of the break-up, but if Jennifer wasn't the one who would make him happy then John was not going to make any offers to help them get back together. He wasn't going to tell Rodney that it would all blow over in a day or two, and he wasn't going to approach Jennifer behind Rodney's back and try to convince her to make up with Rodney.

"It was the... ' _incident_ '," Rodney stated, making air quotes, and John grimaced.

The _incident_ was a newly discovered laboratory in one of the smaller towers near the South Pier and yet another machine that was supposed to help the Ancients shed all their burdens so they could ascend. They still hadn't figured out what triggered it when Rodney and Zelenka stepped into the lab, but as Rodney was the only one with the ATA gene, it had latched onto his memories and ' _feelings_ ', starting from the earliest. By the time John and Keller had arrived on the scene, Rodney was working through his early memories of the Stargate program, and meeting Sam Carter for the first time.

It all rushed on, seeming to pick out only the important events, but once Rodney's memories caught up to their time on Atlantis, only an idiot would miss the connecting thread between each of the memories displayed and analyzed. Memories of Jennifer were awkward and confused, and easily dismantled by Rodney's crowding thoughts of others: Teyla, Ronon, his sister,... and John. Everything kept coming back to John. Crying out for him when he was losing his mind from the parasite, holding onto him when his mind was burning up from the Ascension machine. When the Wraith Queen prepared to feed from him, Rodney had looked to John for comfort in those last moments. When he had nightmares even as recent as the week before, he had sought out John rather than Jennifer. The most damning was when he had almost lost his battle to the parasite in his brain. He had held onto his memories of John long after everything else had faded away. 

John knew that this was the source of all her arguments with Rodney since the _incident_. Rodney had professed to love her, but he had forgotten her long before his memories of Teyla, Ronon, Jeanie began to fade, and he'd never forgotten John.

"I need to speak with you... preferably someplace without unwanted ears flapping," Rodney added in a slightly louder voice, glaring at the group on the next table, who quickly averted their attention back to their meals.

"Sure. I have an office-."

"Really?" Rodney looked astonished.

"Yes... really."

"Huh! I just assumed you wandered around and slouched in doorways all day long."

"I have paperwork too, Rodney." Rodney raised an eyebrow because, admittedly, Lorne tended to do most of the paperwork. "Did you want to talk or not?"

Rodney looked contrite, and a little flustered. "Lead on."

They bussed their trays but grabbed fresh coffee before leaving the mess hall, and John couldn't help but smile softly as Rodney launched into a rant about something going on in the labs as they walked along the corridor side by side. He took sideways glances at him, caught by the constant motion of his hands flying as he described everything that had happened. Rodney fell silent when he realized they had gone to John's quarters.

"This is your office?"

"No, Rodney. These are my quarters. You've been here before. Several times a week, in fact."

"Yes, I know but you said... Never mind. I'd actually... Yes. Fine. Shall we?"

John led them inside and busied himself tidying away a couple of golf magazines while Rodney stood still, looking awkward. Whatever Rodney had to say, it was twisting him up inside.

"John," he blurted out, and John stopped what he was doing and turned to face Rodney, trying to keep his face impassive in case he revealed the torrid thoughts blazing through him. The sun was setting, casting a burnt cinnamon hue about the room as it reflected off the sparkling curtains that had been a gift from the Athosians many years ago.

"John, I... I've been thinking about...," he waved a hand, "About what I saw when..." 

He went still; hands dropping by his sides and those blue eyes were wide and scared, too full of turbulent emotions as they flickered across John's face as if trying to find an answer to a question he had yet to ask.

John felt that incredible urge seize him again; the one that made him want to take those few steps separating them and pull Rodney into his arms, and kiss him until they had no breath left in their bodies. He wanted to taste and touch, wanting to inhale Rodney's scent of coffee and burnt electronics, of chemicals and day-old sweat from a day working in the laboratories. He wanted to stroke a finger over the hard bud of a nipple outlined in the soft cotton of Rodney's t-shirt, and watch Rodney's blue eyes darken in desire... for him.

Swallowing down on the urge, he wet his lips nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as waited to hear the question - or the answer. No longer sure which it would be.

"Rodney," he cracked, desire and fear combining to rob him of his voice, leaving it hoarse.

An aborted step forward stripped him of hope as Rodney tilted his head one way questioningly, then the other knowingly. John almost laughed at the image that jumped into his head, of little cartoon hamsters running on wheels inside Rodney's head, powering the thoughts.

"You stupid bastard."

John blinked. "Wha-?"

"You would have let me marry her." John wasn't certain how Rodney's eyes could be as cold as ice and yet blaze with anger at the same time. "You would have let me pick you for my Best Man, and stood by my side outwardly pretending that it was the best day of my life... of our life. While all this time... it could have been _us_." His eyes had narrowed but the hard angry press of his lips softened as one side twitched up into a smug smile. "But I'm going to be the bigger man here for once. I'm going to forgive you because you really are as emotionally stunted-."

"Hey!"

"-as Teyla implied."

"And you're any better?"

The smugness faded. "No. Apparently not."

He took another step forward yet seemed far closer, until John realized that he'd stepped forward too, closing the gap between them and putting them within touching distance. Just one more step from either of them... and John wasn't sure which of them took that step but, all of a sudden his outstretched hand was palm-flat against Rodney's slightly stubbled cheek. Hope flared in Rodney's eyes as he leaned into the touch, and all that remained was one more step to put the past behind them and surge forward into a new future together.

John took that step.

END  
.


End file.
